My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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