The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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