It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
