But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
