the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
as a side note pls kill me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
