Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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