All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
