Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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