i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
