Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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