My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
