i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
