i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
