I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
