i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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