Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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