Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
