I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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