Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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