If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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