Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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