Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
