her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
