you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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