billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
