is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
