I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
