you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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