you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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