So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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