Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Panties = found
Randomize
