I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
