there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
