They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
