my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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