The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He passed out mid-signature
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
