I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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