I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
