he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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