Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
tell me about the eggs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
