apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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