are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
