once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
