benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
