You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
