I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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