Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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