I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
