I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
