We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
