every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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