Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
